I should forget it.
Must. Will.

I wish I were still a child

I wish I were still a child
Someone, turn back time please?
If you could, make it last forever too.

I've always felt I had plenty time ahead,
to tell you how much I loved you,
to thank you for your selfless love,
to talk about my dreams,
to describe my perfect girl,
and to tell you to stop working.
Much of it still remains in me.

You needed my help
I saw it as a waste of time.
Although I always helped,
help came with a sour face.
Only now, do I realise
that it wasn't all about me.

I was rude,
I was selfish,
I assumed,
and became an ass.

I'm sorry mum.
I love you.
I miss you.
You gave me life, I'll make full use of it.
I promise.

Life as an audit intern

LOL, I just have to blog this.

Today, I went down to a client's place to do some final audit work before the closing of the project. My task down there was to vouch the contract list and the contract documents to ensure that they were all present for completeness of the process.

So as expected, some contracts were missing, some had screwed up dates and thus I had to go ask the staff for the missing contracts and also to explain the screwed up dates. So we had this finance officer search for the contracts.

At 415pm, I went to him. And guess what.

"another auditor again, I dunno what you are doing, see le jiu tao yan" LOL. I was like mad at him la. Wth, I didn't even offend him. But then, it felt kinda cool because now I LOOK like an auditor. heh and when I still know shit about auditing, that felt really gd.

Oh, AND I sorta made him try to explain the screwed up dates. Heh, the feeling of seeing him loss for words made my entire day. He became friendlier as we went through more problem contracts. Haha, my fake smiles worked!

What happened to All the Nice Guy?

Quoted,

"I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were ****ing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've ****ed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bull**** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't ****ing want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy"

Ambience 6 @ VCH by Anderson Military Band

I'll be performing there on 28th March. Those interested can contact me for tixs.

Thank you!

Old times

I like it when we get together. More please!

I feel depressed, and I don't know why. How? All the project deadlines and tests coming up aren't helping either..

Double Double Treat

Today was a day of treats! Everyone loves treats, don't they?

Char, she wanted to treat me to lunch since she got her 1st ever big fat pay. Had pizza at modesto's. Not bad, nice, but I think I ate too many slices. The taste's still in my mouth.. Then she gave me shrink-wrapped and ziplocked-up donuts from the Donut Factory. Yea, I'm eating them now(2+ am). Very nice! Although they're a little squished since she carried them in her bag. Choc filling with handsome cream coating on the outside. Smackin' gd.

Then we watched RH3 (rush hour 3, for you noobs that don't know lol). Really funny, but lame. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I could continue on writing about today, but then it'll just sound stupid.

Bottom line- I had a great day =)

P.s. Anyone wants to queue up with me for donuts?

Manhattan Fishmkt and my Dark Chocs

At least today's not only about work! Met up with Karin after work for dinner together at manhattan. We had seafood platter for two and boy, how I loved those prawns and calamari. The service was really good too, with my glass of water filled up no less than 5 times by the waiters! Their genuine smiles really made a difference too.

We talked alot about everything and anything. And a good meal+good company=happy me. It's so much better than doing work and staring at numbers all day long.

Earlier on, my accountant had wanted me to stay back to analyse price variances for the past 3 mths. That's 12 fking excel files to sort and distill information from, and no way would I give up dinner with Karin to do that shet. Furthermore, she had the whole day to task me, but chose only to tell me about it at 528pm. I stayed back once last week to help her, only to find out that the task could have been left till the next day. She had to clock those extra work hours due to coy policy and I realised she chose not to do it alone. So this 2nd time rd, I just pretended not to hear her =). Afterall, she spends a large portion of the day chatting on the phone and looking at photos of her newborn son, and I know this cos I can see with my own eyes.

Chili chocs from Germany, I think! From Karin.

Let's talk about Holding Hands

I've always thought holding hands belonged to the realm of love and romance - the sweet, fluffy stuff.

The hands I've held were always filled with love towards me. My mum, dad, lil bro and the 2 ex-girlfriends. Let's not doubt it here, they all loved me dearly. They still do! Lol, OK discount the last 2 and maybe my bro.

Recently(in other words, just today whilst posting those f.endless journal entries), I asked myself one toughashell question. Can we have a relationship without holding hands? Is it like dou jiang without the you tiao. Are relationships cemented only when we say YES, we are together, hold hands and then kisskiss. Or is there really something deeper? Not a bgrelationship per se, but nonetheless still a relationship in which both parties are committed to and yet silent about. Does such mushy complicated stuff really exist? I think it does.

So if you love me, just hold my hands, look into my eyes, and say I love ya, baby. Makes things so much simpler. Now, go get that queue number at the counter and patiently wait for your turn. I promise I'll be quick with the rest.

Can joke right?

Bah. Actually I don't know why I wrote that first sentence.

Oh, and I just can't wait for work to end - 31st July. I need 3 cups of coffee a day at work. Record was 5.

New dress

Ok. I'm obsessed.

This is why I work

Yes, I love my heli! It's like my new love, just can't get enough of it. I'll tinker with it every now and then when new ideas get into my head. Just can't stop upgrading it though, and it's really costing me. Anyhow, this baby rocks!

Ok! Work is blah blah blah, it's the only thing I'm doing this hols besides drooling over my heli.

My life is damn ____ ok, people my age are getting married(damn stupid, I know her though), going to the states, having exciting ICT back in camp, or trying to chiong for their IPPT. But I'm just growing fat everyday sitting at my desk doing all the boring stuff.

This is my desk at work! lol, it's quite spacious actually. And the seat is really goddamnit comfortable. I'm also always dreaming of being elsewhere while doing my work in that seat. It's that comfortable! I think it's those few hundred bucks for 1 seat kinda stuff. And yes, I do doze off midway while doing my work and when i wake up, the screen would be like '$124,90555555555555555555555555....' -forgot to lift off my finger before I went to lalaland! haha

Damn, I have nothing else to say about this hols.

Work

Work has been ok so far - I'm an accounts assistant(costing) for a semiconductor mnc. Tomorrow's month end closing, so dunno yet what to expect since I just joined last fri. Plus I have a pile(more than a fuck hundred) of debit notes to issue..

Learnt many things within a few days. In fact, I have a notebook to copy down all the stuff I'm taking in, all the procedures, the checks, and what not. It's my bible now. I'll feel naked without it. First day alone, I noted down 4 pages worth of stuff.

The people here are friendly though, they're willing to entertain all my questions. Really glad to have such colleagues. Yet I do know that once they've taught me something, I'd be expected to perform without mistakes. It's just that in the accts dept, NOT everything comes across nicely! There'd be discrepancies, misreporting by other dept and it's all these that gives us headache. No wonder accountants are so calculative and insist on proper standards!

SAP is a bitch to learn.

Who's for going to Hong Kong?

Anyone?

You'll get to enjoy world class companionship in the form of yours truly.

Haha

Oh ya, for those who didn't get the 3 eggs joke, here's it:

There were 3 eggs in a fridge. After some time together, Egg1 whispered to Egg 2, "wei, that egg beside me has hair one..."

To which Egg 3 replied angrily, "limpeh si KIWI la!"

Chinese eggs. Hahah

The prettiest girl

I just saw the prettiest girl ever in my neighborhood while eating out.

She's like the younger, slimmer, daintier version of Christy Cheung with a cute 'cover the forehead' fringe.

I swear she's the prettiest girl ever. It's almost like I got blown away.

Now, where's that wholivesnearme shit...

Let's be mean and laugh

Say cheese! Suckers!

Happy fishing!

I pity you.

Pawned!! (personally my fav LOL gotta love them kids)

What's with telling the whole world about events in your life on msn?

I'm getting irritated by something - Msn nicks!

I mean it's ok if you have stupid nicks like 'assformoney', but really, the nicks that get to me are those that go,

'nick'- Saw this reallie cuteee guy today! O.o
'nick'- I miss you so much it makes me cry =((( sobsob
'nick'- I am not online...
'nick'- Hahaha, this stalker wrote about me, whata Loser!
'nick'- spent $3 on cab fare, beat that
'nick'- eating my oyster mee sua =))
'nick'- is very happy with his TAKE THAT cd
'nick'- I love onion rings!!!
'nick'- I must sleep before 11pm

You might just as well put in, '-aFk cos sHiTtiNg nOw mah ;p'

It's like HELLO? What makes u think I wanna know if you've just had someone stalk you or if you just had that plate of wonderful mee sua?

Msn nicks used to be simple affairs. Now, they do so much more. The nicks are there to impress onto others the kind of mood that the particular bugger is in. But thing is, if you're sad enough, then why in the world would you want others to know that you're sad? To spread the sadness around? To me, it'd just be some cheap attention seeking stunt to make yourself feel better.

Msn nicks can even be used to trigger breakups man. Here's an example, "all the stupid things I do has absolutely no reflection on how I feel about you" Damn. I tot SMS was bad enough, now you have msn nicks as a means of communicating the death of a relationship.

Oh yes, I'm not forgetting all the public apologies that you get to see on msn nicks. I'll be the first to admit that I was guilty of that too. But I find it stupid now. If I'm truly sincere, then I'd not only say it straight, but also keep it strictly personal too. Telling the whole world you're sorry doesn't mean anything except to show that you're looking for the empathy or even sympathy of those around you. Makes you feel good I know, when you think people look onto you as this poor guy trying to make amends. But it's all bullshit to the person you've actually hurt, so remember this.

Ok. Feeling better now.

^GarRry- goInG to stUdy LiAo thEn maybe will Play SomeMoRe Dota kAee

Irritating right?? Yea.

What do you do when you find a snake in your pants?

My first reaction would be to tear the pants off me.

But then again, I'll remember that snakes don't bite if you keep still, so I'll keep fucking still.

In the end, I get bitten anyway cos this hot babe walked past. I died.

So you see, there's a lesson to be learned here. Pretty girls, they kill. Tmr we'll go eat our hearts out. No drinking, but man, we'll eat our hearts out. Sometimes, the bystander sees things best. Remember how you used to give me advice over some shit ass stuff? I didn't want to believe it then, and duly deserved to be bitten.

You chose to believe things would be different for yourself, and I believed you gave yourself enough reasons to hold onto this belief. But dude, sometimes when you're in it, you're in it. All these things I'm saying won't register until reality hits you hard. So I'll just say my piece, shut up and let reality hit you.

Things will always get better, never worse. You know why? Cos you'll realise that this shit only makes you stronger and better prepared for the next setback. So be grateful that you've learnt this lesson. But there should be an end to a lesson if all it ever does, is to teach you that same lesson over and over again. Move on.

CNY 2007

a brother in love is a brother in need

I'm so envious, dude.

The feeling of love is good huh, just being with someone who likes you for who you are, who thinks your flaws are really cute, who can accept your shortcomings, who will cheer you up when you are down and the thing is, anything she says, even though it doesnt always make perfect sense, you still lap it up for it's really the thought that counts over here. You love it when she makes the effort to cheer you up. Awww, this feeling of being in love.

It makes you float when you see her, you smile when she does, you do things for her unconditionally, and your best reward is that smile on her lovely face. Holding her hands, you feel your footsteps getting lighter, you feel proud that she chose you, you just can't wait to show the world that the two of you, yes, we are in love!

Then you wonder what made her choose you. You must have done something right for her to notice, to start chatting with you, to start revealing glimpses of her life, to allow her to pour her feelings, into this wonderful guy that is you, bro. There isn't any reason for her to like you, it's just you that she likes and not the things she likes about you. When asked, I'd say there's no reason for being in love with this special someone.

"There's some madness to be found in love.
There's also some reason to be found in this madness."

That reason to this madness i feel, is love itself. Love brings out the best in you. You do things just for her. You're willing to experiment, willing to push your limits, willing to break free of conventions, just to do something special for her. The thought of seeing her smile pushes you on, giving you the motivation to create, to plan something extraordinary for her. The time spent doing things for her, you find them worth it, you smile while drawing for her, you laugh when you think of the silly things she'll say when she receives your gift, and you realise you'd want her to feel as blissful as you, to feel that you care, to love you the way you love her.

This feeling of love might or might not last. But while you're still in love, savour each passing moment, enjoy the thought of her in your dreams, live your life as part of each other, and lastly, remember that because of love, there became a connection between the both of you that you hope you'd never lose.