a lil dream

Ever had a dream where you're left clinging to the edge of the cliff with no one in sight? Now, you're getting tired, your arms are beginning to ache and the notion to just loosen your grasp comes to mind. And herein lies the dilemma, continue to suffer the aches and hold on tight, or to just give it all up and then hope you’ll go on to a better place.

Would you be better off holding on indefinitely till salvation finally comes along? What if it never comes? But what if it’s just around the corner?

Or, risk it some, and give in. After all, giving in ain’t that hard if you’ve been waiting for what seems like many ages. After all, life after death might just be possible. But what if it isn’t?

What do you do then?

In my dreams, I often just let go.

Everything's A Ok

Alright, everything's fine now, am glad it's all resolved.

I'm tempted to post some pics now, but think I shouldn't. Anyway the movie surpassed expectations! I didn't fall asleep haha

My reply

Call me a pervert if you want. If basing your judgement on just a single side of the coin alone suits you just fine, then so be it. Do I need anymore friends than I already have? I doubt so. But I’m honestly disappointed with you.

This whole shit was taken out of context. Let me explain now, won’t you? Hear me out please.

Firstly, I’m truly sorry to the person whom I “victimized” in your own words. And that’d be the only person I’ll ever be sorry to. She means quite a bit to me if you didn’t know it already.

My apologies would never go to you, a bystander who chose to spread this piece of juicy news. You know, I was plenty hopeful that we could still be friends before today, but apparently, this is bullshit now for as far as I’m concerned. For whatever reason you chose to write in a public blog, do you seriously think it was a good idea? Does my insensitivity accord another bout of insensitivity from you?

I am not a pervert. Yes, my act might seem perverted if taken at face value, but had you so bothered to find out exactly what I had wanted to bring across to her, this might not be the case. It was my way of communicating the matter to her. I would never want to hurt her. And because of my insensitivity, I ended up making someone that I care much for, feel violated. For this, you won’t imagine how much I’m blaming myself.

Yet, to say that I’m perverted and dirty-minded is to actually give me a slap in the face. This is not a fact, at least not to me and to many of my friends. A real pervert however, would just smirk and enjoy all of these silently.

I did not do it to amuse myself. Neither did I do it because I was particularly proud of the fact that I had something interesting to say. Think it through, if I were really that eager to impress this upon others, I would have chosen a not so subtle phrase. Rather, I had chosen it in such a way that it would only be relevant to her and her alone. No one else would know unless either one of us spills it.

Besides, I do respect girls. Really. Where’s the disrespect to girls from my act? Fact is, it was my way of telling her something. True, it was insensitive and it made me out to be an ass but I can swear there was no disrespect intended. This turned out terribly wrong for me and her. But still it doesn’t give you the moral authority to use those hurtful words on me before even asking for an account of my side of the story.

It’s easy to take sides, I know.

But above all, utmost on my mind is for her forgiveness. Nothing else pretty much matters now.

Choked

I pretend,

to be nonchalant about it all.

Yet,

for when a frown sets upon my face,

I guess it comes from thinking of you.

The indifference painstakingly built up,

would always crumble with the faintest smile.

It's hard in a way,

and yet there's no other way.

These 3 words.

They choke.

And I think you know it too.

my first time

This mv is schweeet!

me.

Cherish what you have now for you never know when it'll be gone.

I'm beginning to look at myself in a different light. No, not cos some words were hurled at me. Rather, it's my mindset that's getting scary. Scary in the sense that while I wouldn't do some things maybe just 2 years back, I would do it now.

I'm becoming an adult all right.

That's when our childhood becomes increasingly vague. And yet remains so strangely poignant.

good day to die

Those 2 tests today were killers. They brought me back to earth and maybe even down to hell. To think I became complacent over some good results earlier on...

Then I couldn't reach you! No one forgets about their phone the way you do. Blurie!

Plan B then.

But today didn't turn out too bad for there'll always be you guys around me. Damn, Deathnote sucked la. But I kinda enjoyed just hanging out cos at least I know I wouldn't be alone at home. We should hang out more, do some damage to the brain cells, you know, just growing fatter, lazier and getting higher each time.

"why doesn't my remote work?"

This is one sorry car. Her best friend would agree too.

I used concealer??

Just because I did it in the past to cover up some huge pimple doesn't mean I'll always use it.

Lol, my mum advised me not to use the concealer in future today. Problem was, I didn't. Well, I finally managed to convince her that I had nothing on my face.

"so what facial cleanser do you use? why so smooth."

Haha, I'm gonna take it as a compliment man.

Crazy for a night

I showed joe my dance moves today over webcam.

There was the cluck cluck dance, the John Travolta grease thing, the Snake wriggle, the standing on chair pretending it's the bartop dance, the sexy squeeze boobs dance and finally the omg look shake. Hahaha was damn shagged by the time I was done.

I have no idea why I did it man. And that bloody idiot actually sat through my performance! I went through several songs ok.. Haha you're the best. Although you pinch my food, demand drinks, piss me off and disgust me so very often, you rule man, my bro. Don't think I didnt give a shit about your advice and such, cos I actually did. It's just that you give the right advice at the wrong time. There will be periods where you know something is so right yet there's no way you're gonna listen.

Had some crazy laughs in school today too during project work.

When you laugh, the world laughs with you.

for you

I just hope you'll cheer up.

I forgot to s/u forensic sci

The deadline is 10pm today. And I fucking read the email at 11pm.

cheesepies.

1 more subject to study hard for.

no prawns for a whole month

sch sucks today.

Went to Quan's hm again to burn time while waiting for msformallydressed to be released from a seminar. Stepped on xiaofan, and I thought I was dead cos he looked like he was gonna cry. Fuck, I would la if I'm a 2 yr old kid being stepped onto by this big 65kg shithead. But then, my paternal instincts kicked in and I gave him the kindest ever look, plus I hugged him so nicely I bet he still feels the warmth in his sleep right now. Awww, he just looked at me with those teary eyes while I sayang-ed him, and he didn't cry! I think I'm getting nuts, I'm loving kids more and more. Not in that way, you sick bastards.

Then msformallydressed and I met and searched high and low for Activa xxx gel. Couldn't find it. Went thai for dinner and I had the freshest prawns ever, but it was just too many for 1 sitting.. so that explains the title.

Also found out that grandma was admitted into hospital again today. And guess what, I think it's cos of her eating habits. Why can't you just control yourself! See la, it's back to hospital food for you again. They never listen. Worried.

I learnt something about myself too today.

late again

I'm always late for comm fundamentals.

Didn't feel all tt great today. Or was it lack of sleep plus an empty stomach that made me grumpy, lethargic and shitty mooded today? I was like drifting in and out of class. Seriously, I need to find out if comm fundamentals is included in our gpa. I totally deserve an F for participation.

Tmr will be better though! That is after I get the IT test over and done with. Wed forensic sci test.. BAH! I'm in for a tough ride this week.

Luckily I have my dinner secured tmr =)

Is it better to love than be loved?

or

To be loved than love?

It's always tempting to wish for the latter, isn't it?