Feeling Sad...

I don't know whether it's me or what. But I feel sad. This aching feeling in the gut which goes right up to the throat. What's with me? another mood swing? haha.. all along I've always thought that only girls had mood swings. But it seems like i have mood swings now too. Maybe things are coming back, memories are hurting.

Flew my heli a few times today and it certainly helps to lighten my mood. I'm certainly growing up! From small little remote controlled cars to remote controlled helis. From a humble radio player, to cd player, to mp3 players. All these, however fancy and interesting cannot fill a void within me. Maybe i'm just splurging to make that pain go away. And it does help.. But only for a little while. I want something impossible now, but how to make the impossible possible? I know I can't. Yet, I still long for it. Acceptance is a way out, I know. Hmmm, I'm contradicting myself again. I feel acceptance, but at the same time, I want to relive the past. Haha hopeless...